he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
