Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
