there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
