hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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