Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
