How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
