I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
