she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
