I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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