you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
