You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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