I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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