bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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