Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Your penis caused this!
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
