I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
