John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
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