Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
