I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
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