was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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