wrigley field is MILF paradise
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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