If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
