You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
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