oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I cut my penus on the lid.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
