god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
