My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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