She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
