A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Randomize
