K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I think your dad took our porno
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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