So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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