too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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