i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I think I won the penis lottery.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
She swung at the pinata with crutches
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
