Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
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