I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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