his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize