I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
