i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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