one two three fourrrrnication!
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
