I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize