after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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