I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Randomize
