life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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