I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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