my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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