i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
