i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
