Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Your penis caused this!
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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