i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize