Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
