Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Randomize
