she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
