i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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