I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
