He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
