I seem to have left my pride at pride
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
