Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
