I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
