i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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