just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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