Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
