he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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