3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
