Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I wanna passion pit in your ass
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
