3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
