if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
