Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I cannot find my penis.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
