you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
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