I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Randomize
