Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
