I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
