If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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