I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
