well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
