Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
You need a sexual gate keeper
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
